Zardoz is a movie that I don’t really recall the first time I saw it. I worked in a video store and the cover of the box does not immediately jump out at you. In fact, the cover of my local video store VHS had Connery and Rampling holding one another and it looks like a bad King Arthur movie. So I (for sure) did not grab it because of that. Let’s just say someone must have said they watched it and it was insane. The back cover has the iconic costume but again nothing about it screams “yes, watch this right now.” But I did watch it and have continued to watch this flick regularly because it fascinates me that it was even made. Absolute classic!
ZARDOZ
Some movies are strange, and then there’s Zardoz. And when I say “strange,” I mean mainstream films. I am a lover of all things Troma and your opinion on Toxic Avenger is a test I can ask most people and gauge their movie taste. Not that you have to like it, but your description of it helps me guess your preference for nonsense. This is a mainstream film so bizarre, so visually baffling, and so utterly committed to whatever fever dream spawned it that it feels like something you hallucinated instead of actually watched. If you’ve never seen it, imagine Planet of the Apes if it had been written by a college philosophy major who just discovered shrooms & LSD. And Sean Connery? Oh boy. This might be the single most insane choice he ever made in his entire career.
Let’s set the scene. The year is 2293, and civilization has been divided into two classes: the Eternals, who are a group of immortal, hyper-intellectual elites living in a utopian society, and the Brutals, who are, well, brutal. They live in a post-apocalyptic wasteland ruled by a floating stone god named Zardoz. Yes, a floating stone god. That’s how this movie starts, and it only gets weirder from there. Enter Sean Connery as Zed, a Brutal warrior who wears a red diaper, thigh-high boots, and a bandolier that crosses his bare chest. If you’ve ever wanted to see James Bond in the greatest fantasy sci-fi costume of all time, Zardoz has got you covered. Zed infiltrates the world of the Eternals, where he learns the dark secrets of their so-called paradise, including the fact that they have lost the ability to reproduce, suffer from a kind of eternal boredom, and occasionally punish people by forcing them to age prematurely. Also, at one point, there is a psychic mind-meld that involves learning by osmosis through touch.
Now, let’s talk about the cast. First and foremost, there’s Sean Connery, fresh off quitting James Bond (for the second time). How did he end up in this? Good question. Maybe he wanted to do something completely different. Maybe he lost a bet. Maybe he just really wanted to cosplay as an interdimensional warlord. Either way, his performance is actually pretty compelling, considering he spends the entire movie looking like a man who just woke up inside Logan’s Run, took a wrong turn through Barbarella, and accidentally wandered onto the set of THX 1138.
And let’s not forget that this isn’t even Connery’s only foray into sci-fi weirdness. He also starred as Marshal William O’Niel in Outland (1981), essentially High Noon in space, and as Ramirez in Highlander (1986), where he played an immortal Egyptian with a Scottish accent. Need more? He voiced the dragon in Dragonheart (1996), was King Agamemnon in Terry Gilliam’s Time Bandits (1981), and, in his final role, played Allan Quatermain in The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (2003), a film so troubled he retired from acting altogether. But wait—there’s more. He was Professor Henry Jones Sr. in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989), and, while not sci-fi, his performance is too iconic not to mention. He also played Marko Ramius, the Soviet submarine captain, in The Hunt for Red October (1990) (a Larry and Mimi favorite, I believe). And let’s not forget his role as Sir August de Wynter in The Avengers (1998), where he played a weather-controlling supervillain—yes, I unironically love that movie. The man had a thing for bizarre, ambitious genre films—he just happened to look the most ridiculous in Zardoz. I want to mention more roles but, enough, Steve. Write a book about him if you want.
The Eternals are played by a mix of British and Irish actors, including Charlotte Rampling as Consuella, who spends most of the movie oscillating between contempt for Zed and inexplicable attraction to him. Rampling also starred in The Night Porter and 45 Years, for which she received an Academy Award nomination. Sci-fi fans may also recognize her from Dune (2021) and The Damned (1969). Sara Kestelman plays May, another Eternal who becomes fascinated by Zed’s zed if you know what I mean. She is also known for her roles in Lady Jane and Mansfield Park, as well as voicing Kreia in Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic II. John Alderton plays Friend, one of the more rebellious Eternals who starts to see that maybe eternal life isn’t all it’s cracked up to be; Alderton also appeared in Please Sir! and Thomas & Sarah, though sci-fi fans might appreciate his work in The Day of the Triffids (1981). And of course, there’s Niall Buggy as the floating head of Arthur Frayn, who kicks things off with an opening speech that I just love. Buggy also acted in Mamma Mia! and The Playboys and won an Olivier Award for his stage work in Dead Funny, but his genre credits include a memorable turn in The Rainbow (1989) and a role in the cult sci-fi series The Infinite Worlds of H.G. Wells.
Behind the camera, we have John Boorman, the director responsible for Deliverance. That’s right—the same guy who made one of the most insane survival thrillers of all time followed it up with Zardoz. Apparently, he had originally wanted to make The Lord of the Rings but couldn’t get the rights, so instead, he made this. Which explains a lot. But Boorman’s filmography doesn’t stop there—he also directed Point Blank (1967), a classic revenge thriller starring Lee Marvin and Gene Hackman at their most ruthless, and Excalibur (1981), one of the most perfect takes on the Arthurian legend ever put on screen. I know that is not English, but that is the only way to describe it. He also directed The Tailor of Panama (2001), a slick espionage drama that is super-underrated. He masters brutal realism like no other director,but also a master of the fantastical as well.
Also, side note—can we talk about how Point Blank features an absolutely too-young and too-beautiful Sissy Spacek in an early role? You watch that movie, and you know she’s going places. Okay, back to Zardoz.
Boorman wasn’t the only sci-fi heavyweight involved. The film’s production designer, Anthony Pratt, would later work on Brazil, another dystopian fever dream of a film. The cinematographer, Geoffrey Unsworth, was responsible for the lush visuals of 2001: A Space Odyssey, and his touch is unmistakable here. Even the legendary sci-fi writer Robert Sheckley was at one point attached to an early iteration of the script, though maybe I am making that up. The film is a bizarre but fascinating intersection of creative minds who helped shape the landscape of speculative cinema.
Now, let’s get to my favorite part, the quotes:
- “The gun is good! The penis is evil!”
- “We will touch-teach him.”
- “You see, I am Zardoz… I am Arthur Frayn… and I am also the Wizard of Oz.”
Is Zardoz a good movie? That’s another one of those tests I will have for people. After seeing this, I would honestly love your take on this. Is it Blade Runner? No it is not, but it’s the kind of film that, once seen, haunts your brain like it has me for 30+ years now. Also, fun fact: one of the original drafts included a subplot about extraterrestrials manipulating human evolution, but it was scrapped at the last minute—probably for being too normal compared to the rest of the film. Also Burt Reynolds was originally cast as the role Sean Connery got. I believe dropping out due to a sickness. Would have been an interesting watch with Burt as Zed.
If you’ve never seen it, it’s currently streaming somewhere—you’ll have to check, but it’s worth the dineros just to say you’ve experienced it. And if you don’t like it? Well, at least you got to see Sean Connery in a red loincloth. That alone is worth the price of admission. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I think it’s time for another rewatch. Because no matter how many times I see this movie, I always come away with one thought: Why have I not bought this costume?
