Well, at least they’re going out as off-brand as they’ve always been, and starting out their triumphant last season opener… in the most banal way possible: the ol’ “the day didn’t go the way I thought it would when I got up this morning” dopey thing with a smash cut to FOUR HOURS BEFORE THE CLICHÉ STORM title card which takes away the excuse it might be a trope, but two in a row? That’s a cliché in nine out of ten countries in the civilized world, right there.
Then, the boring expositional conversation with Wilson Cruz doing what he can to add some vim to the scene… but these guys regularly take me out of the show on the regular, with absolutely anti-Star Trek stuff like Saru’s obviously serious Vulcan love interest threatening to mind-rape him in the most adorable way possible like it’s some kind of playful joke between them. I mean, what the Galactica actual.
• The transporter? Everybody is Nightcrawler from the X-Men in the future, I guess, getting bamfed from one place to the other at reflex speed.
• “Just… Fred” is important as a scene ender to commercial, students, you can tell, because it gets four reaction shots. Is that anywhere near a professional choice for normal person tv pacing? Not this ship, sister.
• OK, the stomach gurgle was cute. But you can’t base a whole character on that stuff.
• The thing is, I just absolutely stop paying attention because I always wonder who are these people and what do they want and these guys really never have answered that and I just trail off and go do something else and guys I’m probably not going to write about this show again.
Man, remember when you were in your twenties and if you weren’t rockin’ a Riker Level 3, you had those sideburns at the 45 degree angle Academy points and your shit was ship-shape unless on shore leave on Wrigley’s or Risa and then you met that souped up tech expert and you settled down and you lost all those guys and moved to Omega Surburbia III and you had your raktajeno brewing club and the “gardening guys” but then you had kids and moved on to being the old dad now and if the 23rd century had a face of the patriarchy still it’d be you but IDIC, man, and you look around and no shit you kind of lived your life to where you thought you’d be, and everybody expects old men to be wistful and everything so you get a pass and people kind of get it.
But you sure thought STAR TREK would have been there with you at sunset.
That’d’ve been a pretty STAR TREK thing to do.